Flowers and chocolates for KatieTv and Sugartits and Buhbeesgirl because I couldn't do this without them. And they find my snort cute. Thank you to everyone who tweets or rec's to get my story out there because you love it and for that I love you. I've had a few loyal pimpers and I die a little inside each time I see you talking about lil ol' me.
~~~~~~~
It's not the road
It's not the miles
Or being alone
That tells my heart
She should be aching
The danger's in the waiting
~~Song for the Waiting, Aron Wright
It's not the miles
Or being alone
That tells my heart
She should be aching
The danger's in the waiting
~~Song for the Waiting, Aron Wright
~~~~~~~
~~BPOV~~
"I can not believe my eyes. Is this a Bella mirage? Are you real? Benny, tell me you see it too." Garrett clutched his chest in mock shock and fell against the seat.
"I do. I see it, man. She must be real," Benito said as though my existence was actually debatable.
"Phew, for a second there I thought I'd smoked peyote again."
"You guys, shut up," I said, taking the same seat I had arrived in on the shuttle.
"We never thought we'd see you again, mija, you disappeared on us."
"What? No I didn't." I rubbed my eye beneath my sunglasses.
"Yeah, pup, you did. Don't think we didn't notice you've been MIA the last few days. Come to think of it I didn't see Cullen around much either."
"Hey you both boned out of the aquarium trip on me so don't even act like I've been missing. What happened anyways?" I said, stepping over the comment about Edward.
Garrett and Benito traded side eye glances and grinned. "The costume party," Garrett finally said, "You missed one hell of a party. I was in no condition to go anywhere the next day. And I think I'm in love."
"What?" I said. "With who?"
"A gal from Alaska, named Kate. She's a travel adventure writer. I'm headed home long enough to pack a backpack and we're meeting back up in Costa Rica. This girl owns me bad." He reached up and grabbed his scalp while letting out a groan. Benito punched him in the arm and laughed.
"And you, Benito? Why'd you bail on me?"
"Lo siento. I woke up, it was afternoon. You were long gone."
"Yeah, I looked for you later that night but nada," Garrett said.
"Wherever you've been, Bella, did you enjoy yourself?" Benito asked.
I felt my lips curl up as I looked past his shoulder and out the window behind him. Edward strode over to the silver Volvo, slid on a pair of shades, and stepped on the cigarette he'd just dropped.
"Yeah, I did," I said as they both followed my gaze out the window. I snapped my eyes back to them and shrugged with what I hoped was nonchalance.
Benito frowned slightly and Garret just shook his head and laughed. The shuttle pulled out of the parking lot and I closed my eyes refusing to see him leave. I wanted to imagine him there waiting for me. Just like he promised.
~~~~~~~
I pressed my head against the plastic window of the plane and the first glimpse of Seattle came into view. My leg bounced as I drummed my fingernails on the seat. I couldn't tell if it was anxiety or the thirty-seven Diet Cokes I'd had that made me so twitchy. I'd spent all morning saying goodbye and I was ready for some hellos.
I parted with the guys just after security as our gates were on opposite ends of the airport from each other. We'd already exchanged emails and promises to keep in touch on the shuttle but it was still sad to watch them go. While waiting at the gate I'd unexpectedly teared up in a latent response to Zafrina's parting words. She'd whispered to me just before she left, "In life, there are no accidents," one of the first things she'd said to me when we met. We'd been discussing how I found my way to the conference and after a week of fate slapping me in the face, those words meant so much more now.
I resisted the urge to buy a copy of Vampires After Midnight in the airport bookstore and instead pulled out the still hot from the press edition of Elizabeth's new novel. I couldn't help but shake my head on the plane when the middle seat next to me produced his book. She opened it leaving me to stare at the back and thus Edward's face the entire plane ride home.
He was dressed in the same outfit he'd worn that first day of class and was sitting at a piano leaning his head against his forearm. One eyebrow was cocked in a typically sexy Edward way with a tiny upturn to his lips and I swear to the Virgin Mary I could feel his eye touch through the book jacket. I recrossed my legs and gulped my soda.
"Have you read it?" she asked when she noticed me staring. "It's amazing. I can't put it down. And there's another coming out next month, I can't wait."
"No I haven't. But I've heard good things about it." I smiled a secret smile.
"I'm almost done, I could let you read a bit, see if you like it."
"Oh that's nice, but no thanks. I've got a book. I'll pick that up another time."
She went back to reading and I left my book unread on my lap in favor of staring out the window. I noticed a spotted ladybug trapped between the inner and outer windows. She kept wandering between the plastic panes looking for a way out. I couldn't see how she had gotten in and felt sorry for her. I tapped at the small pinhole on my side of the window thinking maybe she'd squeezed through but either I didn't speak ladybug Morse code or she'd given up because she settled in the corner to look out the outer window and watch the clouds she wanted to fly among.
The ground grew closer and I pitched forward in the seat as we bumped along the tarmac. I tapped a goodbye to the lady bug and exchanged pleasantries with middle seat before shuffling down the aisle, through the airport and onto the puddle jumper that would take me to Port Angeles.
I retrieved my bag and stepped into the drizzling rain to look for Renee. I'd had minute to call her in Seattle to let her know the plane would be on time. I saw my black Subaru by the curb and hurried towards it. Sarah's face lit up behind the water beaded window and I gasped in surprise as Renee got out to help me with the bag.
"You brought the girls! I didn't expect that!" I said giving her a one armed hug and reaching for the door.
"Mommy!" Sarah cried as I climbed in the cramped backseat. She wrapped her arms around my neck and Charlotte kicked her excited feet against the seat.
"Hello my babies. How I missed you," I said and kissed each one a hundred times. I climbed over the seats when Renee got in and buckled up for the ride home.
"I can drive, Mom."
"No, sit back and enjoy the girls. I'm fine."
"Thank you so much for bringing them, I thought I'd have to wait until I got home to see them. You didn't have to do that. Long car trips with two babies is not fun."
"They've been great, honey. No worries. Besides, Jake is out helping Sam with something so I couldn't have left them."
"He is? What are they doing?"
"Fixing the roof, apparently it started leaking."
"Our roof?"
"No. I guess Sam's. I don't really know. He said he'd be done by the time you got back."
"Oh,geez. I hope there wasn't any damage. I'll call Emily in the morning. Poor girl, they just had to have their heater replaced this winter. If it's not one thing it's another."
"Isn't that the truth. Hey, I was thinking Bells, why don't you go out tonight to dinner. Just the two of you."
"No way! I miss the girls I don't want to leave them my first night here."
"Go to a late dinner after they're in bed. It'd be good for you guys to spend some time together."
"Alright, I guess. It would be nice."
"Mommy, Mommy! 'Scuse me. I wait all patient for you to be done."
"Yes Sarah? And you were very patient, good job not interrupting."
"I went to the zoo. With Grandma and Grandpa and I saw the penguins and the meerskats. They was so funny, Mommy!" Sarah giggled and Charlotte copied her.
"That does sound fun. Tell me what else you did while I was gone," I said to Sarah before turning to Renee, "you and Charlie took them to the zoo? In Seattle?"
Renee shrugged and leaned in towards the steering wheel to rest her chin on the top. "I didn't want to go alone. We had a great time. He's good with the girls. There were times when it seemed like twenty some odd years hadn't passed. Especially since Charlotte is your mini me. You were just a little younger than her when we left."
I tasted the bag of chips I'd wolfed down in Seattle and dug in my carry on for a water bottle.
"Mommy are you listening? I telling you that we did dress up and we went to the beach but it was cold. We threw rocks."
"That's great, honey," I said through a mouthful of water.
"I was a good eater and I listened to Grandma. And we... uh oh. I have to make a tinkle, Mommy. Stop the car!"
Renee pulled into a gas station where I begged Sarah not to touch anything as I held her over the toilet so she could pee. We got back on the road and pulled in behind Jake's truck just as it was getting dark.
He was in the shower when I came inside so I played with the girls until I heard the water turn off. I gave him a few minutes in the bedroom to get dressed before I knocked on the door.
"Yeah?"
"It's me, can I come in?" The door opened before I could finish.
"Hey Belly, you're home," he said scooping me into his still damp arms.
"Just got in," I mumbled into his shoulder. "Renee said she wants us to go to dinner tonight. Date night or whatever. You in?"
He let go and stepped back towards his dresser. "Yeah sure. That sounds good. You just want to go to town?"
"Yeah I don't want to go back to Port A. I'm done traveling today."
"Good. In that case I don't have to change." He pulled on a pair of socks and reached for his sneakers.
"Okay, I'm going to help get the girls in bed and then we can go. Hey, where's your wedding ring?" I asked noticing his bare finger untying the laces of his shoes.
"Hmm? Oh. I took it off before I left. You know I don't like to wear it when I'm working with my hands."
"I thought you might have lost it again. What are we on know your fourth band?"
"Third. And that's enough out of you," he said with a grin. "I lose shit. I can't help it."
I slipped out the door and back to the living room choosing to tune out the nagging voice in my ear. The excitement of my return must have worn the wee ones out because they were both passed out within minutes of the bedroom door closing. Renee had settled into the couch with a glass of wine, a coffee cake, and the Lifetime Movie classic Mother May I Sleep With Danger? She waved a couple fingers over her shoulder as we left. It was just me and him and silence.
"So what do you want? Pizza? Chinese? The Smoke House?"
"Chinese sounds good," I said as he made a face. "What? You don't want it? What do you want?"
"The Smoke House."
"That's fine," I answered, wondering why he'd bother to ask my opinion at all.
We walked to his truck and I waited for him to hit the button to unlock the door so I could open it. My legs felt damp from the rain and I was glad I remembered to grab a jacket. I jumped up and down a little to warm them and tried to figure out what was taking so long.
"Jake? Come on, I'm freezing over here."
"Oh sorry," he said snapping his phone shut. He unlocked the doors and turned on the heat as I climbed up into the cab.
"We should have taken the Subaru. Heated seats would be nice right now."
"I hate that car. I don't fit in it unless I open the sunroof. And heated seats are the stupidest invention ever."
"That's just because your butt already runs at a hundred and eight degrees. The rest of us normal folk are freezing in this weather."
"Look at you all spoiled in your fancy car. I remember a time not long ago you were trying to convince me that we could put a car seat in the front of your old Chevy."
I looked across the lawn to my old truck as he reversed down the drive. I had fought him on getting a new car when I was expecting Sarah. I couldn't imagine giving up my truck. We compromised and I got a new car for day to day driving but we didn't sell the Chevy and I still took it when I went out on my own.
It only took ten minutes or so to pull into the town of Forks. I kept my hands on the air vents the whole time while Jake whistled to the radio. When we got to The Smoke House we waved hello to the familiar faces and he ordered the clam chowder and salmon dinner just like every other time we'd come. I sort of thought that when you had less dining choices than fingers you should at least try something different on the menu.
He prattled on about work complaining about the new client he'd gotten the contracts from when I left and I waited not so patiently for him to ask me about the conference.
"So," I started when he paused to drink from his beer, "I had a good time on my trip."
"Yeah? That's good." He shoveled a mouthful of salmon in with the beer.
"Yeah. It was great. Really informative, I learned a lot."
"It was like school?"
"Not really but I took classes and seminars on things-"
"I seriously can't believe you took a vacation to go to school. But then again I never understood why you wanted to waste time in college either."
I breathed in and out slowly before continuing. My higher education was somewhat of a sticky subject. I likened it to a wife garnishing a fatter paycheck though he acted like he wouldn't have wanted to go to college even if he could have afforded it.
"I took this voice class that was amazing, I got great feedback on my writing sample."
"Voice? Like singing?"
"No. It wasn't a singing class it was about developing your voice as a writer."
"I don't get it."
"If that doesn't make sense I can't really explain it. It's one of those things you know what it is but you can't tell someone else."
Jake raised his shoulders up and down looking at his plate. His fork pushed into the fish and rice. "That's okay. I don't care that much anyways."
I frowned at my meal and chewed my inner cheek, "Okay, sorry. Why'd you ask then?"
"I didn't," he said reminding me that I, in fact, had brought it up. "Hey, I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry. I'm glad you had a good time but I don't get all that so, you know..."
"You don't want to hear about it?"
"It's your thing, your hobby. Like I don't sit and explain the inner workings of an engine to you because it'd bore you. You do your thing and don't worry about bringing me into it."
"Let me get this straight. You just want me to do this, what I did at the conference, and have it be my thing. I don't need to tell you about it or make you feel a part of it? Won't you feel left out?"
"No. It's not like we can afford for you to go to these things all the time anyways. But once in a while yeah, this is about you so, go for it. Go and do whatever you want."
"Thank you for giving me that. I don't think I could express how much I appreciate it."
He shrugged again. "Sure whatever. I want you to be happy, you know?"
"Yeah me too," I said and reached my hand across the table and put it in his. "So what were you up to while I was gone?"
"Nothing much," he said with a frown. "You done? I'll get the check." He motioned to the waitress.
He settled the bill and we left for home. Renee was asleep on the couch when we came in. I turned off the TV and pried the empty wine glass from her hand before heading to our room.
"I kind of want to take a bath and wash the travel off me. Want to come keep me company?" I said full of hope and keeping the lust at bay. Wouldn't want to scare him off.
"Nah, I'm beat. Long day, but you go on and enjoy."
"You're not going to wait up for me? I could skip it and do a quick rinse in the shower instead."
"No, go take your bath, Belly. I'm exhausted." He stretched his arms up to take off his shirt.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," he said, twisting an earplug into his left ear.
"When did you start wearing those again?" He hadn't used the earplugs since the girls started sleeping through the night.
"Um, I thought I'd try them tonight. I slept so much better when you were gone I'm thinking maybe your breathing wakes me up or something."
"Oh," was all I had to say to that. I went to the bathroom and ran the hot water dropping as many freesia sea salts in the water as I could find.
I opened up Elizabeth's novel while I cooked in the hot water and found myself enraptured in a description of the most beautiful kiss I could imagine. Her characters had been reunited after a long absence and embraced in a fury of longing. A tear rolled down my cheek and disappeared in the water.
I'd just returned from a journey that while not long in time was monumental in terms of self-discovery. I wanted nothing more than to leap into the arms of the one who loved me like no other and have him show it all to me.
I put the book on the floor and sank beneath the water letting it wash away my tears. Either that man wasn't here or I wasn't that woman to him.
~~~~~~~
Translations:
Mija- slang literally meaning my daughter (mi hija) but commonly used like "girl" or "sweetie" and the like
Lo Seinto- I'm sorry
~~I'd love reviews more than you'd love for their time apart to pass quickly~~
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