Grazie, KatieTV and SugarTits. I appreciate the love and I loves y'all back. (I'm just filled with love tonight, this chapter must be under my skin ;) )
~~~~~~~
At first you smile, then turn away
I've been thinking of what I should say
All last night I stayed up dreaming
I'm still dreaming
~~Let Me Down Easy, Chris Isaak
I've been thinking of what I should say
All last night I stayed up dreaming
I'm still dreaming
~~Let Me Down Easy, Chris Isaak
~~~~~~~
~~BPOV~~
If avoiding Edward were an option I would have taken it. Somehow, even among a hundred other people, it was he I kept finding. He was everywhere; in front of me in the line for breakfast, coming out of the restrooms as I was going in, crossing me in the hallways, sitting on the bench outside I headed to at lunch. We didn't speak, we barely looked, but I was content in the awareness that at least the hostility was gone.
In it's place was a powerful force field separating us from ever getting too close. In line, I waited to step forward until he did, keeping a minimum distance. When I opened the doors to the restrooms, he moved back creating the space. We pressed our shoulders against the walls of the hallway as though we each weighed five hundred pounds and were barely squeezing by. Outside I found another bench to sit on. And when I walked into class, I chose a seat on the other side of the room.
I pretended not to notice his loose dark jeans that accentuated his lack of derriere presumably being held up by the silver chain wallet and grommet ridden belt. The tight black t-shirt did not stretch over a lean muscled torso and sculpted biceps. I didn't see them flex as he crossed his arms over his chest, perched against the desk listening to our stories. There were no tattoos peeking from his sleeves. His long crafted sideburns did not point my eyes to his mouth.
When it was my turn to stand and read aloud the words I'd written I made myself an infinite amount of promises if I could make it through without stumbling, throwing up, or falling down. I refused to glance from the paper but I knew he was taking a risk and looking at me. I was thankful that he, at least, kept his eyes on my face. I took a deep breath reading the last words and waited before looking up.
His eyes were on the floor but everyone elses' were on me. A few even had tears and others looked stunned. I fidgeted, unnerved by the silence, and bit my lip. No one spoke for what seemed like at least a minute.
"That was amazing," gushed yesterday's camera metaphor.
"It was. I'm sorry, your words, they haunt. I have not much else to say." A quiet man who spoke broken English but wrote beautiful prose, clasped his hands and tipped them towards me as he talked.
My cheeks began to apple as I flushed and smiled. The praise kept coming and my feet lifted off the floor. Edward said nothing but he watched me as my peers gave their reviews. When they were finished I sat back in my seat wishing I could record this moment to remember it forever.
My reading was the last so there was nothing left for him to do but leave us with parting words of wisdom. Though he was stern in is his constructive criticism all week, he was encouraging and uplifting now. As we gathered our belongings to leave his tutelage for the last time, I think we all felt like we'd found our voice.
I didn't mean to be the last one out of the classroom but so many people came up to talk to me, I couldn't help it. Then it was just me and him. He organized his materials into his bag and I made my way to the door. I turned to him just as he lifted an arm to rub his neck. I needed to know what he thought.
"Edward?" I spoke his name to him for the first time.
He responded with a raised eyebrow and not a word.
I licked my lips. "Did you...you didn't say...what did you think of my piece?"
He dropped his arm from his neck and titled his head forward slightly. He laid his hand on his heart and pressed into his shirt, closing his eyes.
I left before he opened them.
~~~~~~~
"Bella? Where you been? I haven't seen you for days, mija." Benito called across the lobby to me.
It was the end of the day on Friday and the entire resort had taken on a last day of school before summer vacation feel. Even though there were seminars all day tomorrow and Sunday morning, concluding with the keynote address at lunch, our work had been done. We'd shared our writing, letting it be picked over and examined, brushed off and polished new, and now we could relax and and take in the speakers.
"Hey Benny. I've been around. What about you?"
"Oh it's all good. No complaints. Will I see you tonight?"
"No, no. Not doing the costume party. Sorry."
"What? Oh you have to. It's the best."
"I didn't come prepared. Maybe next time?" When I'd first read about the costume party back home in Forks I was adamant that I would not go despite Renee's pleadings. Now that I was here, and had made friends, I was bummed I didn't have an outfit. And it wasn't like I could whip one up from the curtains to suit the theme.
"But Bellaaaa, everyone goes. You will be the only person not there. Come on-"
I put my hand up to stop him. "Save it. Zafrina's already given me hell. I get it, I've committed the ultimate conference faux pas. But there is no way I'm going without a costume or a half-ass one. Besides I have big plans for tonight and I quite like my own company."
He kissed me on the cheek and we discussed meeting tomorrow afternoon to go to the aquarium together. I headed into the cocktail and appetizer hour to pilfer snacks to take back to the cabin.
Zafrina was in the process of getting decked out as her favorite 19th century British literary character and the masterpiece that was her costume reaffirmed I would not be going last minute. I watched in awe, as she repositioned the girls in her corseted dress before stroking her long dark curls.
"Forgive me for asking Z, but who are you?"
"Oh my sweet lamb," she said with a flick of her tongue against extra pointy eye teeth. "I am Le Fanu's Carmilla. The original sapphic vampire."
"Okay then. You go rock on with your bad self."
"I plan on it." She licked her teeth again.
"Is this going to be like college? I sit on the porch if I come home to a sock on the door?"
"Of course not. And where are you going anyways?"
I smiled, delighted in my secret plan. "I've had my eye on the hot tub all week. And every time I've passed by it looks like a seventies key party. Tonight I'm counting on it being empty."
Zafrina laughed. "For sure. Nobody misses this party." She gave me the eye.
"Alright, I get it, I won't ever make the mistake again."
"You know, I do have another costume you could use, oh wait, nope it's early 20th century lit...sorry little lady." She winked at me as she slid out the door. I had no idea what she was talking about but it seemed like she had an inside joke, with herself.
I spent the next hour eating my stolen snacks and reading. I marveled at the peacefulness of the cabin. None of the rooms had televisions or telephones. It was the perfect place for creative seclusion. I'd spent nearly a week without Nick, Jr. as the soundtrack to my life and I really couldn't imagine going back to it.
Darkness fell and I scoured my suitcase for the swimsuit I saw Renee throw in. When I found it, I cursed my mother and thanked my lucky clovers that I'd be alone. She'd packed the string bikini I used to fake tan before a Christmas we spent in Florida years ago. I didn't have the gull to lay in the glowing bed naked so this was the next best thing. It was minuscule.
I shimmied into the fabric triangles, covered myself with yoga pants and a long sleeved shirt, and grabbed a towel. The night was cool with a dampness in the air; both of which made me eager for the hot steam of the jacuzzi. I walked towards the pool area with my flip flops slapping on the road in the silence. It was deserted except for the brightly lit party giving off faint sounds of conversation and music.
The pool area was adjacent to the main house but secluded in the fact that it was surrounded by the forest, open only on one side to the deserted beach. I unlatched the gate and slipped inside. The pool was glowing, it's water undisturbed, but the hot tub was bubbling and a huge cloud of steam surrounded it. I walked over to a chair nearby, tossed my towel on top, and yanked off my shirt. I bent over to pull down my pants when someone cleared their throat. I wasn't alone.
"JESUS! Holy shit, you scared me." I wheeled around to glare at the intruder and had to peer through the steam to see a body in the water. "I thought I was alone."
"So did I," said the familiar voice.
The steam parted in the breeze and there he was, half naked, wet, and staring at me.
"Edward?"
"Bella," he said, taking a long drag of his cigarette.
"I'm sorry to interrupt. I can go." I reached for my pants.
"Get in, Bella. It's big enough for the both of us." He tilted his head way back and downed the rest of his beer. There were five more in a six-pack on the ground beside his head.
I walked around to the stairs and held the railing as I stepped into the water. Standing in the center the water touched my belly button and when I sank to the seat, it swallowed me up to my neck.
"Why aren't you at the party?" he asked opening another beer and handing it to me.
"Thanks," I said taking the offered Heineken. "Um. I didn't come prepared. Didn't think I'd be in to it so I didn't bring a costume or anything. You?"
"Not my scene." He dropped the cigarette butt in the empty beer. "And why'd you come here?"
"To the hot tub? I wanted to all week but it was always packed. I prefer to be alone," I said and he cocked an eyebrow at me. "Oh! I didn't mean it like that. I don't mind that you're here. You're better than like, Aro or Caius acting like this is an ancient Roman bath house."
His lip turned up as he brought the bottle to his mouth. "I could see how you'd cause quite the stir."
Hold the phone. Was he flirting with me? I looked across the water and he winked. Definitely flirting. What in the hell?
"That's quite a suit."
Oh god. Fucking Renee. I blushed. "Yeah, this would not have been my choice. I made the mistake of procrastinating and allowing my mother to help me pack. This was her doing."
"It's a good color on you."
The temperature rose about a thousand degrees. I chugged at the beer to erase my cotton mouth. "Thanks. It's my favorite."
"So what are you doing tomorrow, Bella? Is your schedule full of seminars?"
Where was he going with this? "No, not really. I'm going to one in the morning during breakfast and then I'm free. You?"
"I'm leading one after lunch. The Resurgence of Vampiric Literature. I'm an expert." He opened his eyes wide and rolled them.
"Oh right, your book. Vampires after Midnight? And you have another one coming out?"
"This month." He sighed. "I never anticipated it being a series. When I got my book deal it was for three books but no one mentioned a series. It wasn't until the editors went ape shit bananas over the story that everyone got excited. My epilogue was cut and I was told to turn it into number two. And here we are."
"That couldn't have been easy. But your first, spent what, a million months as a New York Times best seller? It's no wonder they're dying for another."
"I know, I know. I feel like such a tool complaining. I'll shut up now." He frowned at his beer.
"Sorry. I'm not trying to say you can't vent. Vent away."
He gave me a sad smile. "I just never expected it to become this, thing, you know? When I do interviews now they don't want to talk about my work all they ask about is the vampire obsession. Even this conference, they had me signed up for the seminar tomorrow since the beginning but they didn't bother to ask me to teach until someone backed out. I'm just the vampire guy to them. When I wrote it I had no idea vampires where the 'it' commodity of the moment. I wasn't trying to be trendy."
"Why did you write it, where did you come up with it?"
Edward laughed and stretched his arms over his head. "I liked Masen. He interested me. I wanted to know what made him tick. I wanted to understand his world. So I started writing his story."
"Masen? He's the vampire?"
"You haven't read it?" he said with surprise.
"Cocky much? Not everyone has," I said, teasing him.
"No! I'm not that much of a prick. I wasn't surprised you haven't read it. I was surprised you were honest. Most people I meet lie and gush even when it's obvious they haven't."
"I'm not most people. I noticed your seminar is full and there's a waiting list. I'm not in. So thrill me now. Why are vampires so popular?"
"Fuck," he exhaled, "I haven't a clue. I really should be researching that instead of hot tubbing with you."
"You're not serious." I stared agape.
"Half serious. I have no idea why suburban moms want a deviant like Masen to stalk them and bang them silly or why any of the other vampire books are hot now. But I have prepared my lecture. I just don't want to bore you. Mostly, I cover the history of vampires in literature noting the cycles of popularity."
"Yeah, like weren't they big or got their start in the Victorian era? The rule of the prude?" He nodded and I continued. "Right, so, interesting how a repressed society reveled in the sexual undertones of vampires and here we are in a time of in-your-face overt sexuality that not even nearly a decade of Republicans in office could squelch and we're obsessed with vampires again. Maybe what we really want is less blatant sex and more undertones."
"Insightful. But Victorians weren't really prudish. They were just polite. There was some stunning erotica to come out of that period. But again, that's your point. Their sexuality wasn't ostentatious, it was personal, explored with a lover and not with society at large."
Okay. Enough. Who would have thought that discussing ancient literature could turn me on. I'll admit I'm a reading nerd but this was beyond. Change of subject needed, stat.
"Ummm..." I stuttered.
"So your mom, she's at your house? Watching your kid? Kids?" He examined his fingernails.
Bring up my mom and my kids, that'll kill my mental hard on. Nice deflect Cullen. "I have two little girls. And yeah she's helping me out."
"And where is Mr. Swan?" His fingernails must have had naked ladies painted on them.
"Well, Mr. Swan is at his house watching whatever game is on, that is if there's no crime on the mean streets of Forks. My dad," I added when he looked confused.
"Swan is your maiden name?"
"Yes, and how is it that you know so little about Forks? I mean your parents have lived there longer than I have."
"I never lived there. When did you move? From where?"
Our questions were hungry and eager and never quite getting answered by the other. We were rushing to find out as much as we could about each other. I took a breath to slow it down.
"I lived with my mom in Phoenix until my junior year. Her husband played minor league ball and traveled all the time so I went to live with Charlie to finish high school in one place."
"Oh. My parents settled there, finally, the summer before my freshman year. I didn't trust that it would last and convinced them to send us all to boarding school."
"Seriously? I thought boarding school was like, punishment for bad kids. And why didn't you think they'd stay? Because Forks sucks so bad?"
"Noooo. Not punishment. Not at all for me. It was consistency." He slipped another cigarette between his lips and cupped his hand around his mouth to light it.
"You moved a lot?"
He tilted his head back to blow his smoke up rather than at my face. "You could say that. I love my dad but sometimes, I'm not sure about him." He wiggled his hand near his forehead.
"What do you mean?" I swallowed my beer and wished for another. The beer fairy reached across the water and took the empty replacing it with another.
"He's got this complex. Like he thinks people are out to get him. Like they're on to him. I remember asking my mom once if he bombed a draft building during Nam." I laughed as he continued. "We never stayed anywhere long. My mom gave up after while and started homeschooling until we all went off to boarding school."
"Wow, so how long did you live in each place?"
"Hmm, sometimes a few months or a year and change. Never more than that. I wouldn't even call it living anywhere. I did some time in Phoenix."
"You did? When?"
"I was little. I just remember it being hot. Carlisle said it was too sunny so off we went."
"That's just crazy. I mean, you can't do that to kids. And how'd he ever get a job with that kind of resume?"
"He mostly did clinic work. And they were always so grateful for whatever doctor was willing to lower their salary expectation and slum it, they didn't ask a lot of questions."
"Geez. That sort of sucks."
"Yeah. So you see how I don't go to Forks. Just because he finally found somewhere he can stay doesn't mean it feels like home to me."
"Yeah, I get it. But what did you do for holidays? Summer?"
He shrugged and ran his fingers through his hair. "Traveled usually. We spent Christmas in New York, Thanksgiving in Hawaii, summer in Europe."
"Well that explains how we've never met. I thought you were way older than me or something."
"Nope. They do the holidays there now though, I just don't go."
"Why?"
"You ask a lot of questions. When's it my turn?" He grinned at me and my stomach flipped.
"Sorry. Now. You go."
"Tell me about your kids."
"What do you want to know? I'm sure you don't want me to go on and on about how brilliant and beautiful they are. Because I can."
He smiled again. "What are their names?"
"Sarah and Charlotte. Sarah is for Jake's, that's um, her dad, for his mom, she died when he was little."
"Tough break. How old are they?"
"Sarah is three and Charlotte is, let's see now, almost one and a half."
"They're babies," he said handing me another beer. "Do you like being a mother?"
"Thanks," I said to the beer. When had I finished the last one? "Um, you want the truth?"
"Of course."
"I love my children. Love them. Sometimes it shocks me how much. But a lot of the time, I look at my life and think, how did I get here?" I shrugged and rubbed at the sweating label on the glass.
"Yeah," he laughed to himself, "I know what you mean."
"How? You are a published, scratch that, a ridiculously successful author. How could you know what I mean?"
"Uh uh. We're on you now." He wagged his finger at me. "What about your life doesn't feel right?"
Oh no, I was not going into this with the subject of my lust filled dreams. I don't care how many beers he gave me.
"You know, just unsatisfied being a housewife. Grass is always greener, blah blah blah."
"You're married." It wasn't a question but it was the first time either of us directly mentioned my marital status rather than dancing around it.
"Yes. I'm married. Happily married." Oh god. Why did I feel the need to throw that in?
"What's your married name?"
"Are you going to look me up?" I smirked at him and he almost look embarrassed. "Black, I'm usually Isabella Black."
Edwards grimaced and shook his head taking a swig of beer. "No."
"No what?"
"You can't be Isabella Black, that's all wrong. Black is not your color."
"No it isn't. It's my last name."
"How come you're Bella Swan here?"
"It started out as an accident," I half lied, "I put my maiden name on the registration and forgot to fix it. But I sort of like that way."
"Why?"
"Because Isabella Black is a wife and a mother. She does four loads of laundry every day, cooks three meals and chases two hellions. Bella Swan is me. When I'm just Bella I can turn the rest of that off. And be me."
He reached towards the empty six pack carton and frowned before turning back to me.
"It should be your pen name. It's who you are as a writer. Leave Isabella Black at home."
I let his words resonate before I spoke."I'm sorry I drank all your beer."
"You didn't. Want to know a secret?" He licked his lips and leaned across the water. "There's a fridge in the barbeque area over there. I've got it stocked."
He stood in the center of the jacuzzi just as I pushed forward to get up as well. My face fell towards his crotch until he pulled me up and righted me. He squeezed my arm and I felt a jolt of lightening at his touch and his breath on my cheek. We were much too close to each other. The closest we'd been in days, by a mile. My nipples tightened from the cold air and his nearness.
"What are you doing?" he whispered into my hair.
"Going for the beers, it's the least I can do."
He let go of my arm and took a step back. He was wearing long black board shorts that revealed more of his happy trail than I should have seen. There was a long silver chain around his neck and a small metal gun hung between his ribs. And the tattoos. Oh the tattoos.
"It's cold Bella, I'll go."
I put my arm out to push past him. "Please, I'm from Washington. They're over there you said?" I climbed up the stairs sliding a finger down the back edge of my swim bottoms.
"Yeah," his voice cracked like a prepubescent, "under that overhang, there's a grill and prep area."
I hurried across the damp concrete and shook from the cold. It was dark and I didn't see anything that looked like a fridge. I squinted and looked around. Where the hell was it?
I felt him behind me as he reached around to open the cabinet door I was facing. A fridge light sprang on and illuminated shelves of green bottles. He stayed behind me holding the door open and I bent forward to grab another six pack. My ass pressed into his crotch. Neither of us moved.
"I, uh, realized I didn't tell you the fridge had a cabinet front."
"Yeah I was standing in the dark confused as shit." I straightened and he closed the door. I waited for him to step back and then turned.
"Ready?"
"After you." He stepped to the side and ushered me out.
I tried not to wiggle my hips as we walked back to the tub because I knew exactly where his eyes were. I plunged into the water yelping as the heat pricked my skin. I dropped low letting it rise to my ears and then splashed some on my face to warm it. I was glad I'd piled my hair atop my head because a wet head would have sucked so bad right now.
Edward followed me in and then immersed himself in the water. I felt the bubbles of his exhale against my skin and gasped. I was glad he couldn't hear me. He came up, face first, and shook the water from his hair before lowering himself back to the seat. I chose a jet closer to him this time rather than directly across because I was tired of hollering over them. And since we practically dry humped doggy style in the cabana, I thought it was safe to sit the three o'clock to his twelve. My head flashed visions of us dry humping in the hot tub and I pressed my lips and my thighs together. If you dry humped in water was it still dry humping? Oh God. That massaging jet was in entirely the wrong place.
Edward opened two beers and handed one to me. I really shouldn't have taken it given my already apparent lack of inhibition.
"So who's turn was it?"
"My turn again," I said.
"What do you want to know?" He smiled and sipped the beer. It was good we were playing a game of Truth or Dare without the dare because I would have done anything he asked.
"How'd you end up in Hollywood?"
Edward rolled his eyes and lit yet another cigarette. "West Hollywood to be precise. Not my doing. My fiance, we're there for her work."
Fiance? Didn't see that one coming. I straddled relief and disappointment. "Oh, you're engaged."
That sounded stupidly sad, Bella. Get it together.
"Yeah."
Blank. I had nothing. I couldn't think of a thing to say. "So, when's the wedding?"
"Oh no," he chuckled, "we're not like, actively engaged. No wedding date, no plans yet much to my sister's chagrin." He took a draw from the cigarette and went on. "Alice, she's an event planner and she's itching for us to get on with it."
"So why don't you?" I adopted what I hoped was an interested but detached tone.
"No rush. I'm fine the way it is. And Rose is too for that matter. We'll get married. Someday."
"Hmmm. How'd you and, Rose you said, meet?"
Edward scowled faintly but I caught it. "Known her forever. Old family friend. She hung out with my brother." His voice was strained and I knew there was more to that story. "Do you really want to talk about her? Because I could call her up right now she'd be happy to talk about herself for at least an hour." He joked in a I'm-not-really-serious-okay-I-am way.
"Nah. She's not the one playing hot and cold with me this week so I really don't care." I did not just say that. Oh. My. God.
Anger flashed in his eyes for barely a second and he leaned back resting his head on the edge and looking to the sky. "Yeah. Sorry. I just wasn't sure we should be friends."
I didn't know how to answer so I waited. He lifted his head and held my gaze, drinking from his beer. I cleared my throat.
"Why not?" I asked. I knew my reasons but I wanted to know his.
"You know the answer to that. But I like talking to you. I don't think I can stay away from you anymore."
I sucked in deep as the jets powered on full force pushing us off the bench seat and tangling our legs together.
"Then don't," was all I said as the jets turned off suddenly and we sank back to our seats.
~~~~~~~
~~I'd love reviews more than you'd love to hot tub with Edward, allll night long.~~
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